How to pass the time in winter

I would rather feel cold than be too hot.

This is actually a perfume bottle, but it sums up how pretty cold can be nicely.

It’s easier to do something about being cold. For example, you could put on a jacket or wear woolly socks. When you’re too hot, short of swimming, there is only so much clothing that can be removed before being considered indecent.

I find cold exhilarating and I don’t like to perspire. While the cold dries out my skin it is less painful than frequent sunburn from the African sun. Warm beverages are infinitely better in winter and red wine is a valuable aid in heating up your core body temperature.

But most people disagree. I wrote about this last year to try and encourage people to be more cheerful – you can catch up or remind yourself here. For those of you who do not like winter, I have made a list of fun things you can do to pass time.

Set up correspondence with people from the Northern Hemisphere. Not only will they remind you of why you prefer summer, but you can gloat in a few months time about how warm it is in the Southern Hemisphere. They will be complaining about chill blains and you’ll be drinking Gin and Tonic from a frosted glass.

Winter in South Africa is still less bleak than winter in Europe.

Cocoon yourself in blankets. Much like ‘swaddling’ which Lock taught Claire to try on her crying baby in Lost – this is very comforting. This then leads to the perfect opportunity to pretend you are a caterpillar and that you will one day become a butterfly.

Eat large amounts of cheese. You’re covering up all your skin, so you may as well allow yourself to gain a little weight.

I am so glad I am not lactose intollerant

Ski on frost. This is much easier than it sounds. You don’t need fancy equipment. All you need to do is walk on frosted grass, early in the morning and you will be able to slide around with the same amount of grace as a three-legged elephant.

Frost: Not as soft as snow

Court your heater. This is an alternative to the cliché summer romance. It’s not nearly as memorable, but it will take the edge off.

Embrace your pale complexion. Not only will you age more gracefully, but you can pretend to be a vampire.

Grr - look at me, I'm so pale and scary.

Attend a ‘Christmas in July’ event. It’s much more original than the standard Christmas. And be honest, you would rather eat turkey in the cold than on a sticky, summer day.

If all else fails, you could just hibernate and emerge in a few months, unshaved and grumpy.

Bears get to be angry

5 Things that are Overrated

It’s been ages since I made a list. So here it is, the five most overrated things I can think of right now.

1. Ramen. In its defence, it did come out of a packet and didn’t have English cooking instructions. I still wanted to feel like a ninja while I ate it. Or at least like an animated character in a popular Japanese TV series. Neither happened. In anticipation for the day that it does, I am obsessed with Ramen, but it doesn’t make my hot list.

   

   Ramen will probably drop off all my lists really soon

2. Twilight. Badly written books translated into worse movies. Teenagers now think vampires sparkle and have self-control. I would much rather watch a D-grade rendition of Bram Stoker’s Dracula in a sauna than sit through the A-listed Eclipse in an air-conditioned cinema. And I have less than no interest in reading about the cotton count on Edward’s sweater.

   

   Vampires are all about cuddles afterall

3. Having a full time job in a recession. Yes, I’m really lucky to be employed and even more lucky that my job is stable. But I can think of a lot of things better to do with my time than sit at a desk for 10 hours of the day. Like hugging an angry porcupine.

   

   Oh, hurray - there goes my life.

4. Having my car washed for me once a week. But only because in his thoroughness Edmore ‘re-adjusts’ my side mirrors. It drives me *#%@&%$ nuts! Just like the bits of lint on the bonnet.

   

   Clean car vs annoying lint = I don't know what I want anymore

5. Jelly beans. These are exciting for about two minutes. Then they roll all over the place, fall on the ground and contain so much artificial rubbish that they make you want to vomit rainbows.

   

   Don't be fooled - they look friendly, but they will hurt you