While most of the internet is made up of cat videos and pornography, it’s still a pretty vast place. And there are some profoundly disturbing things out there.
For example, this five headed snake:
Another great thing about the internet is that you can do further research. Which is a good thing. The snake is fake and now I will be able to sleep a little better at night. Unfortunately I now know that two or three headed snakes are possible, but that’s a lot better than five heads.
Then you get these Hulked-Up dogs called Bully Whippets:
Apparently some genetic mutation means they naturally look like they’ve popped a few steroids. They are also faster than the average whippet. And they have breasts (which is fine for this one, here name is Wendy and she is a girl).
But since these are rare internet gems here’s something more conventional:
We all know global warming is a serious problem, and that the ice-caps are melting and soon penguins will be preferred pets because they will move into our flooded homes and no one will really have a choice, but I have to ask: where is the heat?
Unless, it’s just called global warming because global cooling sounds more frightening and could result in mass panic and people would hunt neighbourhood pets to make gloves and hats. The term climate change is much more accurate, people should start using it more, we’ll all be less confused.
I have lived in Johannesburg for eight years now, and I have never, ever been so cold. In my first winter here I only moved into winter attire at the end of May and had a great time staying out until 3am because it was so mild. 2010 has other plans.
The TV says that a cold front had moved in over the interior of South Africa and that it would be followed by another one. This was a lie. What really happened is that the two cold fronts were courting, fell in love and are now having their honeymoon over Gauteng. I hope they don’t have children, because we are talking about seriously icy genes here.
But this led me to discover something that may have saved my life, cats are great for keeping you warm. I’m looking after The Delia’s kitty while she is away in a much more temperate part of the world.
The three most obvious things about Rosa are:
She’s very wary of strangers. She wanted nothing to do with me until the cold moved in, but then one night I felt her jump onto the bed and stare at me.
Cat’s have a super-power where, even if you are asleep, their stare will wake you up. And if you pretend to be asleep, they will walk over your face, just to make sure that you don’t get any rest. Rosa is very good at this.
She likes all things warm. Sun, heaters and human bodies.
So I lifted the covers and a very grateful cat cuddled up to me and instantly started purring. Soon she was warm and even better, giving off heat.
I don’t mind that Rosa likes to poke me with her claws. I don’t mind that Rosa will walk over my face when she wants to snuggle (she’s not the most subtle cat around). And when I get back from work, much like a dog, she’s waiting at the gate. Unlike a dog, this is because she feels she needs to lead me to the kitchen where her food is (she doesn’t think I’m very bright). I actually really like her, and not just because she lets me warm my hands in her fur. Cats are just cool, they can’t help it.
This winter has turned me into a cat-lady. It’s all downhill from here. 45 years from now, I’ll live in a cluttered cottage with my 63 cats, smelling like moth balls and tuna. But this is something I can handle, because the next ice-age will probably happen around then, and I’ll have a blanket of cats to protect me from the cold. Who’ll be laughing then?