Everyone with an email address gets the occasional spam message. This includes the message from that dear friend that asks you to forward this to 159 of your dear friends in the next five minutes or you will be taken out by a missile from Pakistan. Or worse, a puppy will die.
It includes those mails that you actually open with the XXX subject lines and bright pink backgrounds.
Most service providers have pretty decent spam filters and most of the stuff stays out. However, software can’t pick up V*I%A^G$R(A!!!, but for anything suspicious we have junk mail folders. And now and then you need to go through them to find something that got lost, or simply because spam is really entertaining.
Besides winning the UK and Yahoo! lotteries eight times in the past two days, I have a few gems floating around my junk mail folder. On of the best (and I have no idea how to respond to it) is from Florance and this is what it said:
My name is Florance Gadu,i saw your email address today as am searching in the Internet and became interested in you, I will also like to know you more, and i want you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom ia am. I believe we can move from here I am waiting. Remember good relationship goes beyond distance and colour, honest, emotions, carer and kind that lead both ,lovers to fly highly on the wings of happiness, and in all true love is all we need in life to be happy Thanks a lot for your kind attention
I don’t know where Florance found my e-mail address or why I am interesting, but I know I’m not the only one (I’ll bet Florance is great at BCC) and it doesn’t make me feel special. What I don’t know is what the point is of spam like this might be. I’m not being asked for money, nor am I being offered money in an effort to get my banking details… I just have some stranger with poor language skills coming on to me and promising to love me forever. I can find that in a bar.
About two weeks ago I hit the middle of being 25. Now I’m heading towards my late 20’s pretty quickly, and I’m okay with that. Because I’m all about knowledge, and I’ve learnt a lot. This post has been a long time coming, these lessons have been a long time in their making, but now I can make them facts.
I have concluded that peanut butter is one of the best things ever and gherkins can bring about world peace. Sushi is still one of the tastiest things I can put into my body and curry fixes everything. Getting free stuff will always be cool, even if the ‘gift’ has no logical use, finding an alternative stimulates creativity. Music is still a sanctuary and reading is a neglected love and not by choice. Red wine goes with just about everything, but nothing beats a beer on a Friday night. Shooters are no longer as interesting as they were, and I would rather have a Red Bull when I want a buzz. I am too old for clubbing and I like to be in bed before 23:00.
I now know that relationships will end, and sometimes you really can’t work it out and should stop trying. It hurts, but that’s alright. Because even pain goes away eventually. And the lingering heartache is just because good memories cancel out the bad ones. Moving on is not terrifying and the alternative to happily ever after is not that bad.
Working from 8 to 5 (on a good day) is what happens in the real world, and it’s not the worst way to spend time. Stress happens, but so does shit and there is no getting away from either. There are worse places to be than the office on a Sunday – I could be unemployed.
Having friends, really good friends, is a blessing. 95% of people will misunderstand me and I don’t like the way 95% of people do things. But those are my problems and I am not theirs. But those who care about me, those who really care about me, help me take on my problems, and I am happy to help them with theirs. I will never underestimate an ear to whine into, a shoulder to cry on and a hug from someone who at that moment (and probably most of the time) has more inner strength than I do.
Breaking down is okay – I am not a fortress. Being made out of stone is unhealthy and dysfunctional. I am by no means a fully functional human being, but maybe one day when I grow up I will be. I will make mistakes, but they are only mistakes if I don’t learn from them.
There is great beauty in the world. And it’s worth pausing for. There are moments of such inescapable beauty that will happen and when they do, it’s okay to cry.
My horse, Ashgar Leam, is my rock. He’s frightfully handsome and is my soul mate. Our relationship is one of complete trust, thorough understanding and deep love. We were made for each other and get each other so completely I will not even try to explain, because there aren’t words and I don’t care if you don’t get it. I do and he does and that’s enough. Nothing else in this world matters as much as his four legs, his brown eyes and everything else that makes him horse.
Strangers are best avoided, but when necessary there is nothing wrong with taking advantage of their kindness. I have been saved from disaster several times in the past six months by people I will never see again.
Living in the millennium is not an excuse to neglect the past. Good books were written before 2000. Amazing music was produced before Britney Spears and filling my collection with ‘classics’ is a worthy investment. Just because it’s not a best seller does not mean it should be passed over.
I’m still grappling with this one – but I should never be near my phone when I’ve been drinking. I do dumb things, I say things I never would to people I probably shouldn’t. This hasn’t led to any serious disasters, but things can’t be recalled once they have been sent into the universe via technology.
Moments of immaturity are fine. Silly things should be laughed at. Stupid people should be mocked (in private). Using the language of teenagers colours dialogue – as long as punctuation is still a priority.
Amazing people should be recognized and learnt from. Getting over my own ego has been tough; sadly I am not that smart (yet). Industry leaders in whatever field are wonderful to talk to.
Doing stuff alone is empowering. I crave time on my own and I am now happy to go to function without a plus one or colleague. I will go out and meet new people and if we never cross paths again I still had a few hours to enjoy their company and learn.
The past can’t ever be changed. Letting go of guilt is a challenge. Ultimately there are two choices in life, rolling over in submission or standing up, finding balance and taking on the next hurdle. Taking some time to gather your strength is advisable and then fully forward, because reverse is a gear you should only use when driving. Bring it!
And bring on the next five months, bring on 26 – I can’t wait for what will happen next.
Before I forget – I would like to add that I like steak. Steak is awesome. It’s good knowing A-grade meat is out there.
And one day I’ll get over saying AWESOME all the time.
TV changed the world. It changed family life and eating habits. Hell, they even produced instant meals so that people can spend more time in front of the TV. And now, decades later, we are offered visual stimulation in 3D and high definition. We live in a world where if you don’t have a screen that can take over a whole wall, you’re a bit of a loser. And then there are things you can add to that, like a Wii (my god, who thought of that name?) and a PS2 which can connect to the internet and everything. I think…
The truth is: TV puts me to sleep. 10 minutes in front of the box and it’s lights out for Lee. However, now and then a series will grab me and I’ll manage to see it out. And then, since downloads and trading data is the new black, I marathon the series. And there are a few good ones out there.
Ask anyone I know and they will say, yes, Lee likes the X-Files. A lot. I have every single one of the 201 episodes, and I have watched them all at least twice, some episodes more than that. I did the math, 201 episodes of The X-Files is equal to just over two weeks of viewing, no breaks, no sleep. So I have spent at least four months of my life in sci-fi ecstasy.
But this is about sitcoms. I can write about Mulder-face and Scully’s running ability some other time. The X-Files is without a doubt the holy grail of television.
One of the biggest hits at the moment is a series called ‘How I Met Your Mother’. And it’s actually a little funny, but there are a few concerns.
Firstly, TV is where the modern individual identifies a role model. And the hero is Ted.
Ted wants to get married. And that is all there really is to Ted. The series kicks off with him telling his friends the story about how he met their mother. But to get there he needs to tell them about every single woman he dated and slept with.
As a daughter, I’ll be honest; I don’t really care about who my parents shagged before each other. And then they didn’t actually shag each other anyway. I was conceived by osmosis or some other scientific manoeuvre. They didn’t touch each other, and that’s a fact.
Why is he telling them this stuff? You want the honest answer? Well, it’s to make the production and distribution company millions. His kids really don’t care one tiny bit.
So Ted is annoying and is breaking down many of the traditional stereotypes women and men once believed about men. All this guy wants is to fall in love and get married, and as any regular reader knows, that’s what men want these days. So just like that ‘How I Met Your Mother’ has changed the world. That, and the cheesy life lessons the viewer gets from each episode. And I no longer know how to categorize men because my original beliefs have been destroyed.
But it has moments of funny. If it weren’t for the Cock-a-Mouse episode I would have tuned out before the first season was done. Ted really pisses me off! And Marshal and Lily, are you kidding me? Robin is mediocre, but I do like Barney. I would love a night out with him – laser tag, cigar lounge? Yes, please. But thank god I’m not in that series, because the writers would make me sleep with him and wake up heart broken and feeling used, because all his hook-ups feel that way.
Next up is ‘Scrubs’. The only reason I can tolerate this show is because Dr Cox is seven different types of sexy and Janitor makes my day. The rest of the characters are annoying after season one. It’s as if the writers ran out of ideas. They even sap Dr Cox of his essence! How could they and what’s the point?
Again, cheesy life lessons are imparted. The same ones I learnt in ‘Will & Grace’ ten years ago and the same ones are repeated in ‘How I Met Your Mother’. Seriously? If I’m going to watch TV, I don’t want to learn anything (unless it’s on Top Gear), so back off already! Just make me laugh, damnit!
I am one of the few who missed out on the whole ‘Friends’ cult movement. I have never made it through an entire episode. I find each and every character irritating to the point where I would rather listen to rave music. And this makes me unpopular and I have to go sit in a corner at parties when this show comes up in conversation.
I’ve probably missed a few here – but I’m still holding a torch for those sitcoms from my early teenage years – ‘The Nanny’, ‘Major Dad’ and a few others, it was years ago. And I do appreciate those old school classics like ‘The Golden Girls’ and ‘Who’s the Boss’.
So what happened? Where did the humour-that-never-grows-old go? Why do I have to entertain myself watching people pursue romance and nothing else? Cartoon comedy is in a league of its own and has no place here… But why can’t some media giant produce a comedy that is timelessly funny, with characters worthy of crushing on that don’t sell out and become heaps of steaming, melted cheese?
When I watch a sitcom I at least want to want to have their life. I don’t want to laugh because the humour is so obvious it punches you in the face. I want to follow a sitcom because I can relate to the characters, or I at least find them endearing in some way. I am bored with watching a show and hoping for something to happen; I want TV to guarantee something will happen. And I want my comedy to be intelligent. And having said that, I think I’ve satisfied myself… It’s probably not going to happen.