Vegetables are more intelligent than sheep

I grew up in a rural area, so I am familiar with farm animals. I also like to eat them. And they are all equal, but some are more tasty than others. Especially sheep.

And a few years ago, some mates of mine decided it would be fun to adopt a lamb. I knew this was a bad idea. As far as I am concerned, the only purpose of a sheep is to be on my plate. But since I am an good with animals, I was asked to babysit their lamb.

Lamb wool is not soft and fluffy. It’s coarse and smells funny. If you think a group of sheep are dumb, one on its own is worse. There is a reason why lamb chops are popular at a braai – you can honestly consider it a vegetable and I can prove it to you. I can also prove that vegetables are more intelligent.

This is a cabbage:

Picture from NS IMEX on Flickr

This is a sheep:

Picture from Rori mails on Flickr

This is what happens when you ask a cabbage to stay:

That looks like a successful stay

This is what happens when you ask a sheep to stay:

Picture from Allybeag on Flickr. And that’s a fail for the sheep.

This is what happens when you ask a cabbage to sit:

And a cabbage can sit

This is what happens when you ask a sheep to sit:

Fail

This is what happens when you ask a cabbage to roll over:

This is an upside down cabbage, which means the cabbage passes the final test.

This is what happens when you ask a sheep to roll over:

Fail.

Therefore, as the sheep fails three out of three of the vigorous tasks in this experiment, we can safely conclude that a cabbage (which is a vegetable) is more intelligent than a sheep. Therefore, you no longer have to feel guilty about eating them.

You’re welcome.

Vegetables are more intelligent than sheep

Wild animals are wild

Over the past two weeks a number of wild animals have made South Africans a little nervous.

There is a baboon loose in the South of Johannesburg. He’s been running around for about two weeks and he is skilfully avoiding capture. Each time animal control gets to the last place the creature was seen, they can’t find him.

This guy could so easily be mistaken for a local. (Photo from davidboni on Flickr)

And the latest news I saw this morning suggests you avoid eye contact with a baboon and apparently their teeth are longer than those of a lion.

So that is pretty scary.

And two weeks ago a pair of hyenas got loose in Kwazulu Natal. Hyenas are nothing more than oversized, scavenging, smelly dogs with powerful jaws to eat rotting carcasses. And they are funny looking.

Do now be fooled by the slanting back, these things can outrun lions in a pinch. Ironically, they do not hunt. (Photo from cowboys006 in Flickr)

This frightened a lot of people. And I can understand why, because hyenas are huge and eat pretty much anything. A bit like baboons.

So who can blame these wild animals from wanting to feast on the vast amount of food South Africans throw away.

They haven’t caught the baboon and it is considered dangerous. And the hyenas have since vanished – they probably lost interest in processed food and veggie off cuts.

Imagine a world where this kind of signage replaces street pole ads (Picture from ellengartland on Flickr)

But what really excited me about all this is that in about six to eight years there will be wonderful urban legends about a wild child that was found on the outskirts of some town, naked, filthy and unable to speak – raised by wild animals.

Wild animals are wild

Learning about animals

Youtube is a great source of educational videos. When you sift through all the stupid cat videos and the clips of teenage boys getting knocked in the balls, you can learn stuff.

Today, I found out that Honey Badgers just don’t give a shit. And I learnt that they are super tough and we should consider using them as tyres (if anything can survive a pothole, it’s the honey badger). Watch this video to find out more about this wonderful creature:

After that I took a easily linked trip to Tasmania to learn about Satan’s Best Friend the Tasmanian Devils. They are super tough on the inside and all I really learnt is that they are disgusting and eat anything.

But I do have a little crush developing on the Randall narrator. I think he’s funny. And that, besides him being tall, is the main reason why I have the hots for Jeremy Clarkson.

Learning about animals