Junk Mail II

Since I am on a bit of a ‘junk mail’ trip these days, I thought I would continue…

Old school junk mail

I think the Internet is very clever. However, I don’t think spammers are.

... and delete

I couldn’t really be bothered to do the research myself, but I am very curious of what the success rate if for spam. But somewhere, in a mouldy basement, a fat and pale man must be punching the air because someone wants to buy ‘90% off Valium’ and he’s finally made a sale and contact with another human being.

Or his ‘Lucrative Business Proposal’ begging for your bank details has been read and he gets to clear out a few bank accounts and become a fat and tanned man on a beach.

But I suppose the point of spam is to send out mass and random messages. This would explain why none of the junk mail I get is in anyway appealing to me.

I can honestly say that I don’t want to enlarge my penis. I don’t lie awake at night wondering if Cialis is better for my ED than Viagra – but it doesn’t really matter because I qualify for a 99.9% discount on both – so either option is as good as free. I don’t want to buy a $50.00 genuine replica watch. And I don’t really want to invest in oil, private banks, penguin droppings etc. Finally, I get flirtatious e-cards from unknown sources at least three times a week. So, either I have a stalker or the internet wants to go out with me.

The alternative to Viagra

And while I do sometimes read junk mail (because I like to judge people for poor grammar and sometimes the subject line does not reveal enough) I never follow through. Except for that one time when I wrote back:

Hahaha. You can’t be serious! Does anyone actually fall for this?

Paul Bruce Christine Johnathan Daisy Woodstock never bothered to get back to me. How rude.

Junk Mail

Everyone with an email address gets the occasional spam message. This includes the message from that dear friend that asks you to forward this to 159 of your dear friends in the next five minutes or you will be taken out by a missile from Pakistan. Or worse, a puppy will die.

The puppy killer

It includes those mails that you actually open with the XXX subject lines and bright pink backgrounds.

Most service providers have pretty decent spam filters and most of the stuff stays out. However, software can’t pick up V*I%A^G$R(A!!!, but for anything suspicious we have junk mail folders. And now and then you need to go through them to find something that got lost, or simply because spam is really entertaining.

Hey - you need to be creative when you're competing with 64 other mails a day

Besides winning the UK and Yahoo! lotteries eight times in the past two days, I have a few gems floating around my junk mail folder. On of the best (and I have no idea how to respond to it) is from Florance and this is what it said:

Hello,
My name is Florance Gadu,i saw your email address today as am searching in the Internet and became interested in you, I will also like to know you more, and i want you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom ia am. I believe we can move from here I am waiting. Remember good relationship goes beyond distance and colour, honest, emotions, carer and kind that lead both ,lovers to fly highly on the wings of happiness, and in all true love is all we need in life to be happy Thanks a lot for your kind attention
Florance.

I don’t know where Florance found my e-mail address or why I am interesting, but I know I’m not the only one (I’ll bet Florance is great at BCC) and it doesn’t make me feel special. What I don’t know is what the point is of spam like this might be. I’m not being asked for money, nor am I being offered money in an effort to get my banking details… I just have some stranger with poor language skills coming on to me and promising to love me forever. I can find that in a bar.