The Libido Tree

A few weeks ago Climate Change decided to mix things up a little and bypass spring entirely. We had about two weeks of gorgeous summer weather and all the plants grew with as much enthusiasm as un-watered plants can grow. But Climate Change likes to keep us on our toes and threw in a few mild to cool days.

And in September the August winds started. I think this was deliberate. Climate Change is angry with us for destroying our planet and is punishing everything with lungs by depositing large amount of pollen into the air.

And at work we have The Libido Tree.

The Libido Tree

It’s big and pretty with lovely yellow flowers everywhere. It also has impeccable timing. On the windiest day of the month it was ready to release its pollen.

Just before it had shaken out enough to cover our desks, laptops and clothing with fine yellow dust it confused us by blocking our noses and giving us red, streaming eyes. Then we realised what was happening and the sudden office outbreak of spring flu was written off as a hoax.

The office manager, ML said she was glad she was on the pill because there was enough pollen in the air for cross species fertilisation. I am not on the pill and was genuinely concerned about being fertilized by The Libido Tree, that is how determined it was to spread itself around.

I have known a few loose people in my life, but none can compare to The Libido Tree. It was being a slut everywhere the wind would take it. It didn’t even need to be coaxed into action with a little liquor. It would simply have its way with anything and everything.

The colour of promiscuity

It’s a good thing cross species pollination plays in the realm of science fiction. For about a week I was almost happy to live in this universe and not in some exciting parallel with laser guns and space travel. I was happy that there was no chance of running into an alien with nine arms at the bar.

 

Fortunately it was just a phase in The Libido Tree’s lifecycle. It has since settled into a more mature plant and just stands in the back looking pretty.

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The Libido Tree

I’m the Cold Cat-Lady

We all know global warming is a serious problem, and that the ice-caps are melting and soon penguins will be preferred pets because they will move into our flooded homes and no one will really have a choice, but I have to ask: where is the heat?

Unless, it’s just called global warming because global cooling sounds more frightening and could result in mass panic and people would hunt neighbourhood pets to make gloves and hats. The term climate change is much more accurate, people should start using it more, we’ll all be less confused.

I have lived in Johannesburg for eight years now, and I have never, ever been so cold. In my first winter here I only moved into winter attire at the end of May and had a great time staying out until 3am because it was so mild. 2010 has other plans.

The TV says that a cold front had moved in over the interior of South Africa and that it would be followed by another one. This was a lie. What really happened is that the two cold fronts were courting, fell in love and are now having their honeymoon over Gauteng. I hope they don’t have children, because we are talking about seriously icy genes here.

But this led me to discover something that may have saved my life, cats are great for keeping you warm. I’m looking after The Delia’s kitty while she is away in a much more temperate part of the world.

The three most obvious things about Rosa are:

  1. She’s very wary of strangers. She wanted nothing to do with me until the cold moved in, but then one night I felt her jump onto the bed and stare at me.
  2. Cat’s have a super-power where, even if you are asleep, their stare will wake you up. And if you pretend to be asleep, they will walk over your face, just to make sure that you don’t get any rest. Rosa is very good at this.
  3. She likes all things warm. Sun, heaters and human bodies.
Cats like cuddles too

So I lifted the covers and a very grateful cat cuddled up to me and instantly started purring. Soon she was warm and even better, giving off heat.

Rosa

I don’t mind that Rosa likes to poke me with her claws. I don’t mind that Rosa will walk over my face when she wants to snuggle (she’s not the most subtle cat around). And when I get back from work, much like a dog, she’s waiting at the gate. Unlike a dog, this is because she feels she needs to lead me to the kitchen where her food is (she doesn’t think I’m very bright). I actually really like her, and not just because she lets me warm my hands in her fur. Cats are just cool, they can’t help it.

Rosa just can't help being awesome

This winter has turned me into a cat-lady. It’s all downhill from here. 45 years from now, I’ll live in a cluttered cottage with my 63 cats, smelling like moth balls and tuna. But this is something I can handle, because the next ice-age will probably happen around then, and I’ll have a blanket of cats to protect me from the cold. Who’ll be laughing then?

I’m the Cold Cat-Lady