I am an egg donor.
There, I said it. The word is out. And yes, that does make me a little bit insane. Here is why:
1. In order to synchronize cycles with my recipient, I had to go onto the pill. And the pill really is the stupidest invention in human history.
Everyone knows why most people use oral contraceptives, but I really can’t imagine why someone would swallow that tiny tablet by choice. The pill kills libido. So please explain to me why, if you want to be having sex, you would take something that makes you not want to have get all hot and sweaty with someone. Is that where the contraception part comes in?
It also makes you fat. For the first time since I was 18 I can say “I ate too much chocolate”. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all, but I honestly can’t help myself. Then there is my constant craving for gherkins and peanut butter – both eaten straight from the jar and in frightening quantities. If I don’t have at least 5 meals a day… I don’t actually know what then, since it hasn’t happened in about a month.
The ONLY cool thing about this is my breasts. They look fantastic. Plastic surgeons should take casts, because everyone who is unhappy with their boobs should honestly consider a pair like mine. They are beautiful.
2. Because I need to be super fertile, I need to be super healthy; I have been in for many blood tests. This revealed that I have a slightly under-active thyroid (but this is easy to treat, and I plan on taking the pills for the rest of my life). However, the blood tests also showed that my prolactin levels are very high (it’s a fascinating hormone – Google it). So I get to take Parlodel (it’s a terrible drug – Google it), which makes you feel really, really, really awful.
Within 15 minutes of taking Parlodel, your nose will become congested and you will have difficulty breathing. The first few nights on Parlodel will be spent in a feverish, sleepless daze. It will further drain your sex drive and then there is nausea, dizziness and a general feeling of discomfort.
The side-effects do ease off after about a week. But I’ve been thinking about this a lot – why is there a drug available that makes you feel worse when you take it? As soon as this is over, I will stop taking it and let my pituitary gland make too much prolactin again, because it really is the nicer alternative.
3. I get to experience menopause at 25. So far I just have to deal with hot flushes, but when I start with the additional injections a few days from now, I very likely will experience the full package. Awesome.
4. It’s also anti-feminist. I have essentially handed my body over to someone else. And it’s a complete surrender. My commitment to this means I have given up my reproductive system to a stranger. Then on the last day my eggs will be harvested, as though I am some crop that has been cultivated. These are things I didn’t think about when I made the decision to do this.
But I am going to go through with this. And I really hope that my recipient falls pregnant. If she wants a child this badly, and I can help her, then it’s worth it. Even if she doesn’t fall pregnant, I could at least give her hope for a while, and hope can sustain humanity.